It’s still hard to believe that something so ugly and useless looking destroyed our town in just a matter of days. It turned everyone here into its slaves, and anyone who is immune to it gets killed. That disgusting thing made Karen kill her own husband of twenty years because he said it was controlling our thoughts and making us go insane. Karen loves this thing now like it’s her own kids.
Me: “Hello! How are you today?”
Customer: “Are you guys seriously closing at 8p.m today?”
Customer: “ppffftt…That’s fucking bullshit, what are the rest of the people that need food going to do?”
Me: “Go to Randells…?”
Customer: “You’re going to lose customers tomorrow.”
Me: “Yes, that’s true. Did you bring a bag today.”
Customer: “No, why would I need a bag?”
Me: “Because of that bag ban that we have. We have $0.27 bags if you’re interested.”
Customer: “No, that’s stupid. Wal-Mart doesn’t make me buy bags.”
(Actually they do. At least in Austin)
Me: “Alright, that’ll be 67.83.”
Customer: “pffffttt….” *swipes his card*
Me: “Sir, how old are you?”
Customer: “I’m 41. What kind of question is that?”
Me: “Juuuust askin’…..”
*The customer then took one more look at his bill and “pppfffftttt’ed” so hard that he flew into the stratosphere, never to be seen again.*
I wasn’t going to let that bastard break up with me. I gave too many years of my life, too many hours of emotional labor, too many weekends where I cleaned the apartment and did the laundry while he sat on his ass and did shit. I loved him too god damn much to let him just call it quits and leave me.
Now he’s in my bed. He’s not breathing anymore. I poisoned his dinner and as one last gesture, I held him in my arms as he choked to death. He isn’t warm, but that’s okay. I get to lay with him and be by his side like we used to be. I just hope they understand when they find the body. I hope they understand what kind of pain I was in. I hope I can get off by reason of insanity.