Cashier Confessions [2] [Hard Drive Archive]


“…and let me tell you something, don’t you ever, EVER, fucking go to that Gatti’s Town pizza place up in Round Rock. That shit is a fucking secret FEMA camp. I fucking saw the pizza people take customers into the back and they disappeared, man!”

“…So that’s going going to be 5.78.”

“Yeah, whatever. Well, I got news for you, kid: that fuckin’ pizza place is wired up the ass! God damn, camera and microphones watchin’ your every move. Can’t even take a shit without the NSA photoing your butt! I tried to alert Alex Jones about it and that fucker fucking blew me off! Piece of shit!”


“That guy’s a fuckin’ false flag, man! Illuminati hired that guy! No doubt!”

“Sir, are you going to be paying in cash?”

“Fuck yeah, I am! What do you think?”

“Ummm…thank you for shopping here.”

“Yeah, gimme them Hershey bars, too. Gonna prep for my special ops training in Mexico.”


“You stay frosty and also watch out for the portal demons in Zilker Park.”

“Right on, you have a good night, sir.”

“They already got Lady Gaga, so be careful.”

“I…yeah, definitely.”

Cashier Confessions [Hard Drive Archive]


“Yeah, you laugh now. But the government is burying nuclear isotopes all over the country, and they’re going to blow them all up and take us with them. And then Al Gore is going to be living underground with the Devil with his super babies that are gonna live for 1,000 years. Yeah, Al Gore’s gonna be living fucking fat, while we burn on the surface with the Illuminati kill drones hunting us day and night. You think about that next time you watch the news.”

“Um…Yeah, that’s going to be $1.23, sir.”

Copyright © 2017 Philip N.R Hauser