[Flash Fiction] I’ll Keep On Screaming


It wasn’t suppose to end this way.

He told me I was going to find out how my wife had died. After searching for years I finally found the man who killed her. The police said they couldn’t find her body and they were never about to find out who kidnapped her.

I searched all over the country. Countless days, even months at a time. No one helped me. Everyone thought I was insane to continue trying, “there’s no way she’s still alive, you need to move on.” I’ll told them to go fuck themselves. At that point, I didn’t care if she was alive or dead. I wanted revenge. So, I kept searching…

…And then he found me. It was in a small bar outside of Santa Fe, New Mexico. He had been tailing me for months. The bastard showed me photos of her: the photos he took right before he killed her. I wanted to know how he did it. I wanted to know and then I’d strangle him to death right there in that low-lit, godforsaken dive full of cheap booze and no witnesses, but the bartender.

“Don’t worry,” he whispered, smiling at me, “I’ll show you how I did it.”

I should have watched my drink. He drugged my whiskey. I passed out right there in that bar and now I’m in this casket. Yes, a coffin. I’m inside it, it’s pitch black, and God knows how far down I’ve been buried. Maybe I’m in a graveyard. Maybe in in the middle of nowhere. Maybe this is a dream. In either case the only thing I can do is keep kicking and screaming until someone finds me or I wake up.

[Flash Fiction] Kimberly the Succubus


Kimberly did it again. This time it was with a guy named Brad. It was in the same place where she did it last time: her bedroom, on the bed, with the lights off, and naked. She tried being on top this time, and everything was going okay, but somewhere between his first orgasm and her second he stopped breathing. She should have known that she was crossing a line when Brad said “baby, you’re growing horns” in between his gasps of pleasure, but both of them were too into it to stop. Just like Ben and Justin, Brad had succumbed to Kimberly’s succubus wiles.

“Brad…?” she whispered.

She turned Brad’s head to face her and saw the same, goofy, smile that all her victims had staring right back at her. Yep, she thought, he’s dead.

“God-fucking-dammit,” Kimberly moaned.

This was not a good month for her. Ever since Lazerus, that incubus douchebag, broke up with her she’d been in desperate need of a rebound. A human was certainly nicer, but they never lasted long. Crystal, Kimberly’s vampire room mate was right: she was too selfish of a lover, especially when it came to human guys. Although, Kimberly preferred the word “passionate,” because it sounded better and she still wasn’t willing to own up to the deaths of Ben and Justin that she begged Crystal to help her get rid of. Now Kimberly was going to get the speech a third time.

“Have to stop doing this,” she told herself, in the quietness of the room, “Brad, I’m so, so sorry!”

Kim knew what she had to do. Crystal wasn’t going to be home for at least a few more hours. Kim was going to clean up her mess this time, get her shit together, and try dating demons again. She wondered if there were any nicer ones out there, unlike Lazerus, THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!

[Update] What’s coming in October [Announcement]


Hi Everyone!

As you’ve probably noticed, I’ve been cooling down the frequency of posts here. I’m about to start the process of editing the first draft of my novel, but that doesn’t mean I’ve been sitting on my ass this whole time! I’ve been spending the majority of September shooting video and writing flash fiction for Nocturnal Muse Sessions’ month of Halloween! I want to do at least one post per day during this month (or at least average that amount) with a tentative itinerary of 22-23 videos during the weeks followed by 8-9 pieces of flash fiction on the weekends. Somewhere along the way, one of those two kinds of posts are going to get an extra boost.

I’ve been reviewing — in my usual poetry slam style — plenty of horror and supernatural films and books for this month and it’ll also give me good practice to really try my hand at flash fiction! I’m really excited to see the results of this fun adventure and I hope you come by to check it out. First post will be a video on Sunday, October 1st. See you then!


Philip N.R Hauser

P.S. Since I don’t post on Saturdays, Sunday is simple going to be a flash fiction double post.


[Flash Fiction] Total Desperation


The waiter came to Simon’s table with a plate of bread.

“What can I get for you this evening?” the waiter asked.

Simon held the small, thin razor up towards his face and said solemnly, “You can get me an ambulance.”

The waiter let out an awkward laugh, but it no longer became funny when Simon slowly opened his mouth and dropped the razor inside. Simon made cold, passionless eye contact with the waiter as he chomped down as hard as he could on the blade. Blood came shooting out from between his teeth. A corner of the razor poked out of his left cheek nearly puncturing the skin. The waiter screamed and took several frantic steps back until he fell flat on the floor. All eyes were turned towards Simon who was making horrifying sounds of pain as he gnawed on the blade. Blood began to slowly dribble out of his mouth and onto his lap and a single tooth made a creepy ticking sound with each grinding crunch that felt like finger nails on the chalk board to Simon’s ears. If this didn’t get him a movie deal, Simon thought, nothing will.

Story Concepts: Carmen Sandiego [Hard Drive Archive]


Author’s note: I wrote this nearly ten years ago (prior to my first website). it was a fun, little thing that I whipped up one night on facebook when the “Notes” application was still a thing that people used. Hope you enjoy it!

Carmen Sandiego the red trench coat and matching fedora wearing grave robber is one of the most iconic character’s in education PC games ranging from Geography to History. It didn’t matter how hard you tried, no matter how many nations capitols you could name in under three minutes the woman was neigh impossible to capture. Even if you did manage to crack her riddles and make it past her henchmen all you’d get in return was a laugh and a wise latina quote just to show she was only toying with you this whole time before escaping on a jet pack or helicopter. She could solve the Da Vinci Code in less than thirty minutes and still have enough time to translate the Akkadian languages of Mesopotamia. Laura Croft and Gina Diggers have nothing on this woman. However, before she was a double-dealing diva with a taste for thievery and running scams in Scandinavia she was actually a hunter of grave robbers herself.

Though Ms. Sandiego’s origins are unknown she was for a time an aspiring archeologist with a fascination with ancient Egypt, but was recruited into Interpol because of her unique ability to infiltrate and bring down several art smuggling rings throughout Europe and the United States and after subduing her enemies she would disappear without a trace to the next job, dubbed by many in the underworld as the “Trans-Atlantic Ghost”. Crime Families and aspiring cat burglars tried to best her, but most ended up dead or driven into madness over several hours of geography questions. She even scouted out and hand picked Harriet The Spy, the dirty blond from the New York’s Upper East Side to train her in the arts of detective work and riddle solving. Later on Harriet with the help of Carmen would be recruited by the newly formed A.C.M.E Detective Agency and serve several years with Carmen.

However, as most of these stories go there was only one person who could best her in the art of hiding and infiltration. Going by the code name “Waldo” a scrawny middle aged man with an affinity for white and red stripped turtle necks, blue jeans and wearing thick glasses was a man of exceptional skill. Where Carmen’s ability to hide in the shadows was her strongest asset, Waldo could hide in plain sight. Blending with the environment around him he could track down and with the occasional help from Carmen capture the thief and bring them to justice. Many in A.C.M.E would say Waldo was Carmen’s better half and after a few years their relationship together became more than just professional.

That was until one day Waldo went missing, gone without a trace. “Where’s Waldo?” they exclaimed. Searches throughout Washington D.C and Hollywood movie sets found no trace of him. At the same time a lot of priceless artifacts were turning up missing as well. Famous works of art stolen from the London and New York Museums only to be replaced with a white and red scarf. This was a job for Carmen. After several weeks and seven continents later Carmen finally found Waldo in Siberia Russia and learned what she hoped from the beginning wasn’t true: Waldo was the one who stole all those priceless artifacts.

Carmen learned the truth that day, she learned that A.C.M.E Detective Agency, had been over the years through money laundering and other criminal elements using the artifacts to bolster the anti-crime agency and in collusion with wealthy art dealers and well funded crime syndicates drive up the prices of artifacts well above reasonable levels so that public museums would be unable to afford to keep them on display. By doing this A.C.M.E’s top brass and art dealers would in effect keep the artwork out of the public’s hands, barring them access to the wealth, culture and learning that back in Waldo and Carmen’s day was taken for granite. Only the exceptionally wealthy would have the privilege to display Van Gogh’s paints in their mansions while the people were deprived of a piece of history that should be available to all, and of course A.C.M.E would get a cut from those profits made by the dealers.

It wasn’t until Harriet and the gang showed up that Carmen learned that A.C.M.E had no intentions of arresting Waldo and giving him a fair hearing: He was to be killed on sight and the stolen property be brought back, Carmen had been sent on an assassination mission. There would be loot but no warrant. Waldo didn’t apologize for what he did. Both he and Carmen knew she had a job to do, they were both professionals. Against the protests of Harriet Carmen left Waldo to die in the tundra after one last fair well kiss. Carmen emptied the bullets in her gun, Harriet doctored the logs. Waldo was pronounced dead at the scene no body was found though, presumed buried under the snow only a white and red scarf remained.

Waldo’s death and “betrayal” shook the agency, but not as much as Carmen’s guilty conscience. Shortly after the mission Carmen disappeared as well. Carmen had thought a lot about what Waldo had told her and was beginning to see things differently now, but she wasn’t going to go into hiding like he did, she’d do things out in the open if she had to if only to get back at A.C.M.E and if your gonna steal, steal big. She went from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe stealing several artifacts and treasures from the shell companies that operated under A.C.M.E’s art dealer network, but soon she got more daring.

In a stunning display of skill and masterful thievery she managed to steal both the Statue of Liberty and the Space Shuttle in a single day claiming it for the people. Interestingly enough these acts were done a week before both monuments would be seized by a private firm working with the art dealer cartels and were to be transferred to private estates. Things were bad when A.C.M.E found out Carmen was behind the jobs in Norway and Bonaire, but now Carmen had raised the stakes. However, despite the media’s depiction of her as some terrorist stealing artifacts and national treasures, she had no interest in selling the items back through shady art houses. She was going to do anything she could to coax out the bastards who betrayed her, using A.C.M.E for their own selfish gain and sending her out on a mission to kill the one person she ever cared about. Hell hath no fury like a female scorned.

Harriet now 26 has been elevated to senior detective status at A.C.M.E and has been put on the “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego Unit” and the higher ups are breathing down her neck more than usual. It was a job Harriet never wanted, she knows the truth as well, but still has faith in the agencies original mission statement. Hopefully she thought, by staying here I can bring the agency back to its former roots. Meanwhile Carmen, pushing forty is still on the run and still at large and if you’re gonna catch her, you better make sure you bring an Atlas

Cashier Confessions [Hard Drive Archive]


“Yeah, you laugh now. But the government is burying nuclear isotopes all over the country, and they’re going to blow them all up and take us with them. And then Al Gore is going to be living underground with the Devil with his super babies that are gonna live for 1,000 years. Yeah, Al Gore’s gonna be living fucking fat, while we burn on the surface with the Illuminati kill drones hunting us day and night. You think about that next time you watch the news.”

“Um…Yeah, that’s going to be $1.23, sir.”

Copyright © 2017 Philip N.R Hauser